An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humani

(Blogger cut off the last word, it's "humanity" if you can't tell.)

I had one of those arguments today, ALL DAY at work, by the end of which you’re thinking, “Wait what was my point and what was yours?”

It was Martin Luther King Jr. day and frankly, I think that if Martin Luther King were to have heard (or read, it was an IM based conversation) our argument, he would have maybe broken his non-violence policy and smacked us both upside our heads. And I probably needed a good smacking.

My co-worker is the only black person that works at my company. He reminds me of this once in a while. He sent me an IM today to tell me he felt very accepted since the software company where we work replaced its normal Caucasian playschool bobble head looking thing that represents patients in the software, with an African-American bobble head for the day.

We made the appropriate comments and tongue in cheek remarks and then launched in to a chat about overall racism in the state of Utah, where we are both living and are both transplants from other states. Which led us to, “Is this particular state more racist inclined than other states?” which jumped to his assertion that it is in fact worse, and this is due to a certain religion. I won’t name the predominant Utah religion to which he was referring.

We both made our point. We both got a bit defensive. We stayed polite (we are pretty good pals) but it was the closest we have come to blows at each other. I kept trying to end it with the old “let’s agree to disagree” line and he would sum up his opinion of what we were disagreeing on and of course I could not leave it on THAT note.

The truth is, he made some good points. And he accused me of simply defending my point of view because I wanted to defend my friends and family in the religion he was criticizing. Honestly, I came away frustrated, because I feel he over simplified the whole topic and refused to see past one narrow point.

I am sure he is frustrated with me, and told me as much, because I can’t really relate to his experience and I don’t “care as much” as he does about things that don’t affect me. I was then insulted that he judged me, because how could he know what I care about?

I don’t know where I am going with this. I did not start this post knowing what I would say.

Here goes an attemt to say something that matters. I don’t know if spending Martin Luther King day debating (for hours) which of the two of us was being most unfair and naïve about what the other was saying is the point of the day. I should probably be a little ashamed.

We never resolved our chat. We ended with, “we’ll talk again.” And to be honest, I don’t think there will ever be a resolve on our discussion today. Our topics were too broad—we managed to hit racism, sexism, homophobia, and religious stereo typing in business, America, the world, history and churches—and I don’t know that the languages we were speaking were the same. I can’t think of a single pinpoint we disagreed on except for one sentence. But when he argued that the sentence was true, and I argued it was false, we used the same arguments to prove different points.

I don’t think I am in the state of mind tonight to articulate anything particularly grand here.

I came home and, reading my list of little blogs I like to follow, two in particular stuck out. This one, which is a funny little blog if you have children and a basic understanding of LDS culture, and then this one, which is one of my favorites cause the author is a hero of mine.

In the end I realized two things. From the first:

My coworker and I both apparently have pretty strong opinions we wanted to defend with our best rhetoric… yet we didn’t bother to try (really) to understand each other, and neither of us did anything to engender a real change. Grandiose ideas are pointless if you don’t act.

And from reading the second (thanks Lisa, I am borrowing one of the quotes you put up for my title, because really I should have read it BEFORE leaving my house) I realized this:

I missed the point today because we were nit-picking at definitions and giving our own interpretation of things, and even defining, and maybe even judging each other in the exact ways we were both claiming we hated.

I remember my history classes from 3rd grade through high school covering the civil rights movement, and the basic philosophies of non violence, passive resistance and so on and so forth. But I have to admit that it was only in the past couple of years that I have really read his papers and speeches.

It’s not just that he sparked a civil rights movement that changed this country, but the way he defined humanity, the way he talked about integrity, and hope, and facing challenges, and even forgiveness and love…this man was probably one of the greatest minds and souls the world has had in it.

I am sorry that I spent the day that commemorates him trying to win and argument.