51 Lessons From My Husband

We were sitting in the drive-through, waiting for our usual order, and watching this snow plow in the parking lot ahead moving forward and back and forward and back...

"I doubt those take much gas" he told me. I hadn't really thought about it.

"Actually. It might run on propane."

Uh-hu. Good to know my love, thanks.

"Yeah." He said, more sure, "It probably does. I bet it runs on propane." Ooooooooo-kaaaaaaaaaay...well now I know.

He breaks the silence with these types of observations a lot. He has also (quite frequently too) observes the tasks or behaviors of perfect strangers we pass, and then lectures me quiet sternly on the obvious stupidity of their plan/non-plan/actions/set-up/automobile enhancements.


I will deny saying this if any one tells him I did, but despite the fact that I make fun of him relentlessly, he's a pretty smart guy. And since I have been hanging around with him for a few years now, I have learned a lot of valuable lessons. I mean he knows how things work--of course his mom says he's been taking them apart since he was two just to find out--and he can see a chain of events as they will unfold before I even know they have been set in motion. Also, we learn from our mistakes right? And I don't know any one who has created so many learning opportunities for me as he has!

The list below is by no means complete but here are the top 51 things (in no particular order) that I have learned because he told me, showed me, or figured out for me (sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse) or led me in to the situation to figure it out myself:


1. You can't buy tortillas in Germany.

2. Bell peppers really are good.

3. Diet Coke is better for an upset tummy than Sprite.

4. "Upset tummy"does not mean what I thought it meant.


5. Calling a man a "wimp", even if you are kidding, is about as bad as calling a girl chubby. Don't do it!

6. Between the floor you see, and the concrete foundation, is a layer of wood. It takes a long time to remove this layer.

7. You have to sand a piano really, really, really well before you can refinish it.

8. You can not paint a wall in one day. You have to paint, let it dry, paint, let it dry, then paint again.

9. How to tinkle in the forest (Yeah, really. On our first camping trip together he had to teach me).

10. When you turn the car off, you should also turn the air conditioner off, because otherwise it won't dry out, it will mildew, and it will smell.

11. You can break in to a house with a library card, but you have to use a different card each time.

12. Yelling at the TV does in fact help your team win.

13. You should not chew gum when you are training people at work--even if you are only a fill in and not a real trainer.

14. If you set your DVR to record an hour long show, then wait 9 minutes in to the show before you start watching, you can fast forward all the commercials and be done in exactly an hour and ready to watch the next show when it starts.

15. The largest drink selections will always be found at the gas station; Super Wal-Mart does not have as many options as your local Chevron.

16. Ice tea does not put out fire.

17. Cows taste SO good!

18. Chinese restaurants usually use very low quality meat.

19. Ten minutes of football is way different than ten minutes of anything else.

20-22. The definitions of "ricer", "rice" and "riced out":

Ricer- (noun) a car that is not very expensive or fast and yet had expensive an haughty accessories such as rims, fins, "fart-pipes", tinted window etc.


Rice- (adjective/Noun) How you describe a car that falls in the class of cars that I described above. Or a term describing the accessories that do not belong on the car they adorn. For instance, gold spinning rims on a Geo Prism would be rice.

Riced out- (adjective) A ricer that happens to have ALOT of rice on it.


23. When you are on the back of a motorcycle you should not lean into the turns.

24. On State Street, as you pass Lindon Park, the temperature drops about 10 to 15 degrees for no apparent reason.

25. In Sunday school, if they call on you and you don't know the answer, just say "Prayer" "Scripture Study" or "The Holy Spirit" and you have a 1/3 chance of being dead on right.

26. NOS is pretty important in a Ford Mustang, and not having it could cause damage over time.

27. Cops are sneaky. It's practically a prerequisite for being a cop.

28. My last hair dryer worked like this: The little fan sucked the air in through the vent in the back, propelled it forward out the front and over the coils which were hot so they heated the air. That is why it was always sucking my hair in when I got my hair close to the back of the hair dryer.

29. Hairs in the hair dryer get stuck on, and eventual stop, the fan which breaks the hair dryer.

30. You can remove all the hairs from a plugged fan and the fan will work again.

31. Once you crack a hair dryer open to fix the fan, you can't put the hair dryer back together.

32. If you want to rob a bank, it's a good idea to bring an accomplice and to also bring tire-popping object you can both throw out the windows of the getaway car.

33. Actually, he's given me lots of good pointers about robbing banks over the years, but I don't remember them all. Now as a side note, I don't think he intends to ever rob a bank, I think it's just that the incompetence of most bank robbers bugs him.

34. If you hold a cat or dog in your lap, put your hands by its ears, and move them back and forth quickly, the animal will have the sensation of "running through the forest."

35. Animals LOVE to run through the forest.

36. Cat's love hair cuts.

37. You may leave a cup of tea in a window sill.

38. You may leave the window open to catch the breeze in the fall.

39. You should not do number 37 and 38 at the same time.

40. Sometimes, knowing how to cheat well is just as pride worthy as winning the game with skill--that is, game-playing skill, I do not mean to insinuate cheating is not a skill.

41. You don't have to know words are actually words to use them in Scrabble.

42. Puppies don't have to come in pairs (I don't know if he's right on this one).

43. If you can't beat it, run from it!

44. Rear wheel drive does not work well in the snow because la la la, blah blah, blah blah.

45. Boys are often much stronger than they look.

46. Boys are often much faster than they look.

47. So 6 feet distance is a minimum requirement before one should say something sassy no matter how funny she thinks she is. (Don't worry, we are talking tackle and tickle, not black eyes and bruised ribs).

48. Most things in this world are easier to handle if there is some one at home who knows when to grab you, hug you, and make you cry on his shoulder (even when you don't know that you need to until you start).

49. A hug is also sometimes the only reconciliation for irreconcilable differences.

50. Throwing dishes reconciles NOTHING.

51. And last, but not least, snow plows probably run on propane.