I was fully expecting an angel, with brown eyes like my own. Instead, here is this imp in a cherub’s body, who says evil things that make me laugh unwittingly, and has blue eyes like no one’s. I try to teach her but I can’t argue with her logic, she won’t allow it.
“I wish we could take some one’s baby.” She told me last week.
“Why would we do that, Darling?”
“So we could have a baby.”
“Oh and what baby would we take?”
“Brittany because she’s so cute!”
“I wish we could take some one’s baby.” She told me last week.
“Why would we do that, Darling?”
“So we could have a baby.”
“Oh and what baby would we take?”
“Brittany because she’s so cute!”
“Well I think Brittany’s mom probably wants to keep her.”
Blue eyes glared at me and there was a frustrated exhale, “I know that’s what you are going to say about taking any baby!”
She’s angry because she was promised a baby that never materialized. Last night she asked to see his pictures again and I produced them because it’s the best I can do. She’s the only one who openly accuses me of being responsible for his not being here. She is pretty mad at me.
Sometimes blue eyes cry because, she says, she misses her brother. We should never have told her but we thought we were safe. Often, she shouts at me that she will never get to have a brother or sister.
When I tucked her in to bed last night, Blue Eyes said, “ I wish I had a different family that let me do what ever I want.”
I said, “You have a family that loves you a whole bunch.”
She looked at the ceiling with longing. I could tell she knows I am hopelessly stupid about these matters. Sadly she said these words:
“I know, but lots of families do THAT! I want a family that loves me a whole bunch AND let’s me do what ever I want.”
I love my little imp more than I could have loved a dozen angels.
4 comments:
Ouch. :-( She will get over it. . . I hope that someday the pain will dim for you as well. I wish I had had a way of helping in some small way when you went through that rough time. I kept thinking - often - that I needed to write you.
I don't know that it would have done any good. You had, fortunately, your own support system there. I just wish there was something I could have done, even thought I found out after the fact.
I love your writing style, although at times it can be difficult. . . I am not entirely certain what you are thinking, meaning, or trying to portray. You make it seem like you are going one way with it. . . and then turn it around with a comment or two at the end - or turn it on to a different track.
You daughter DOES seem to be an imp in angles clothing. :-) Kids are so wonderful.
Yeah but she can't throw fire or anything.
That might be a good thing, judging from the cat incident. :-) Fire throwing is overrated. Can she make you smile? Can she cheer up your day? Can she grin wickedly and disappear and make you run after her to figure out what she is up to this time?
She is very young and doesn't understand hoe delicate of a process it is. I have seen you with Blue eyes and I see how wonderful you are with her. I can't begin to imagine you doing anything to cause this to happen.
I don't know how to dull the pain and loss you feel. I am almost sure I can't. Doesn't mean I don't want too. What I do know is it isn't your fault. Some things happen and sometimes why it does is totally unknown. I wanna tell you to stop being so hard on yourself but that hasn't worked for the last two years I truely can't see it working now.
You will do what you need to. Always remember you have family and friends that will stand by you during your rough times. I know as a family you guys will work it out and move towards new things.
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